Age of Wisdom ? Does it Exist ?

In the last couple of days I have been analyzing my relationship with friends and family and I have come to find out I am not happy with many of them. The sad part is a week ago had you asked me about my relationship with family members I was totally oblivious to some small details. I look back and think how could of me and my little sister drifted apart so much in such little time. And to be honest I really don't think I am that sad about it. It seems wrong to think that way but it feels great....As for my mother that relationship is always up and down and I feel relieve when we are distant....As for other family members I am feeling the need to step further away from them where I can relax and breath. I feel like I have suppressed the real me for the benefits of others and I am not going to do that anymore....Maybe it is a mid life going to be 25 crisis but I am thinking about getting a tattoo, piercing my ears more and highlighting my hair red red....I am tired of holding back...I want to feel more like myself again so that is going to be on the top of my goal..Maybe it was because of the kids that I lost myself little by little but I am not going to let that happen anymore...Well this is the ranting of a raved person right now......But I very happy one ....

Home Sweet Home

Well today is a slow easy fair day Steve is home from work and leaves tomorrow. I hate it when he is gone but it sure makes for a great reunion. At first it was so hard with him gone because we did everything together but now its getting better and it doesnt feel like my world is turning upside down just being thrown a little off balance. I talked to Amanda last week and it was really great to hear from her.
Well as for a place to live wish us luck we find out tomorrow if everything goes through.
I have come to a conclusion about myself. I love being a mom its awesome and rewarding within itself and I so love being a wife, but I really dont have any idea what I want to do as they say "when I grow up" for me. I have trying to come to a decision about what I want to do in the next couple of years once the kids are in school and Steve starts working home and I honestly draw a blank for the first time in my life. I have always felt like I have had a vision of what I wanted to do as a career and now I dont feel like that is an area that I want to be in anymore. I know once the Amy goes Pre-K next year and Bubba soon after that I will no longer be content at home all alone waiting for my family to come home. So I am looking for advice I guess ..... I am leaning to the idea of becoming a teacher but I dont know if I have the patience that I need ...What do ya'll think....Or should I stick with computers since I dont have to discipline them ??????
Well I have to run time to start making supper. Please write back with an comment.

Doublewide Heaven

Well things around here aren’t that great. If I haven’t told everyone (which I am sure I have) me and Steve were looking at building a house on the land we purchased. Well after looking at prices just for the material we have found out that the whole idea is way out of our price range even if we do most of the work. So that was a little sad since I had so much fun making our floor plan....We also now have to spend more money on our septic system so that totally throws off my strict budget we had been going by. So I am going to be Queen of Steve's doublewide...I am okay with it all I guess..we went looking and bided on one at a pretty cheap price so I hope we get it ....I have so many ideas for the kids room that I cant wait to get started....
Well as for the kids...Bubba is totally in his terrible 2's and he is not even in his 2's yet...I need help with this one he is as stubborn as me .....Amy Rose is being good most of the time but sometimes she can get so sassy.....She is so cute lately she gets dolled up in these play clothes with the tiara, dress, necklace and even shoes and walk around saying she is a princess. She even pretends to put makeup on her and Bubba. She wants a Barbie doll. I told her that they are just idealistic views of what women should look like and she looked up at me like I was crazy. So I told her okay I will buy you a doll just not a Barbie which is pretty much the same thing...I am so weak when she has been so good that day...
As far as me I feel lonely lately with Steve gone and a good friend that left out of the country who uplifted me when I was down. I have family but I don’t ever feel like my true self around them....True friends are so rare it’s so depressing when a good friend moves away and you can’t really find anyone to even remotely substitute.
Anyway sorry this letter was more of a pity party but unfortunately that is exactly how I feel....I am so frustrated but life goes on

4th of July

Well today was fourth of July and it stunk with a capital S......First I got some stomach bug that made me sick to my stomach....Then I wasnt able to see te fireworks due to a friend getting upset with me that I had no idea that had offended...All in all we mended friendships but during that time the show was going on so I was unable to see the favorite part, the reaction on my childrens faces.....Blah Blah the mood that I am in makes me feel like saying SCREW the world and everything in it .........Why is it so hard to have a decent friendship and when you finally find one they move away b/c life happens and thier is nothing they can do about........Well sorry I couldnt end this in a positive note but I feel like lately the crap is so deep that I am suffocated and Im not going to sit down and take it anymore.......Wait I can end this in a good note Steve is coming home...Thank god I have found someone who totally understands me and I dont have to pretend to be nice but just be the silly crazy but sometimes cynical person I am ....To think what I would of done without him isnt a very happy though ..Well enough the emotional crap ...I hope everyones else holiday was Okay. Talk to you later