Do I Stink ? :), Easter, & 5 yr Olds..

What is up with everyone moving so far away lately ? I am a little down thinking of how all my friends have moved out of Victoria. I have no one to play with :( I miss my movie buddy ....Anywayz.. I have had to shop and go to the movies by myself lately but I will survive..
Easter was great. I attempted to barbecue and smoked out the backyard. LOL ..never by cheap charcoil, at least that is my excuse. We had a great egg hunt so great that I found eggs for the next 2 days. Amy was a hoot she would walk around and only pick out the pretty ones. Bubba would pick one up and shake it to make sure there was candy before he put it in his basket.
Amy is now officially 5 years old. I had her party at Chuck e'Cheese and it was awesome. I didnt have to decorate or clean up ... Amy loved the mouse in the uniform, whom I feel totally sorry for. Her cake was wonderful, a Barbie doll cake. I had no idea how to cut it so halfway through it kinda slumped over. I got her skates and she loved them so much that she put the on right away and skated all through out the restaurant. On her b-day she wanted to go to the peanut restaurant to ride the saddle and have them sing to her , Texas Roadhouse...LOL.... I still am in total shock that she is already going to be in kindergarden next year...Steve would be so proud of her and Bubba.....
Well I think that is all my rambling for now......

Staples & ER

So today was a eventful day. I always knew the way Bubba plays he would be the first to visit the ER for a accident and I was right. His school called and told me he had fell and hit his head on some rocks and was still crying for me. When I got there I wanted to cry ((and did)). His shirt was bloody and he was crying asking for me. After looking at the cut on his head it didn't appear to be big but a little deep. So we went to the ER and now Bubba is sporting to small staples in his head. He was such a trooper the whole time and I think I was scared more then him. I so wanted to run when they gave him a shot and staple gun ((don't know the tech. term)) but I stayed reminding myself it was important not to pass on my phobia's to my children. All in all after ice cream and a good nap Bubba is back to playing and getting into stuff, his normal self. It also made me thankful for my kids school. They were so sweet and concerned. His teacher had left the classroom to hold him until I got their and even called later today just to make sure he was okay. I really like their school and think I will keep both them in until it breaks my bank or 5th grade. Well got to go... Talk to everyone later

Appreciation

I sit here in my chair today looking around and reminded how lucky I am. I just want to say "Thank you" to all my family and friends that have listened to my cries and been here for me through this rough time. I admit I am still grieving and at the same time marvel how fortunate I am to have such a network of love and help. Lets see ...my family. They love me in their own way and always watch the kids when I am tired or just needing to get away. They try to be there for my children as much as possible. His family...they also are always their for my kids and try to fill the void of my children no longer having a father as much as possible..they also listen to my cries..My friends new and old...During times like these I have found out who my true ones are and love them even more for sticking with me through everything with kindness and a shoulder to cry on.....And most of all I appreciate my children who without them life would be unbearable. And last thank you to my dear husband.... Even though our time was short he gave me 2 beautiful children, wonderful memories, to know what true love is, and much much more. So to end this I just want to let everyone know how much I appreciate and love them.

Illusions

Illusions
Today was a bad day.. I went to Walmart shopping with my kids when something caught out of the corner of my eye. It was a guy walking in the store that looked like Steve. My heart pulsed and all I wanted to do was run to him when I blinked and he was gone. I miss that feeling he gave me, the lightheartedness of him near me and the feeling of belonging to someone. I still find myself looking for him hoping it all a bad dream. Sounds child est I know since a year has passed... I ran across our wedding video today and had a urge to watch it but couldn't quite bring myself to remember the young in love me. I hope no one I know ever has to go through this...Well off to bed because the kids have school.....

BIRTHDAY & SCHOOL

Well I am fixing to have a birthday this month and I cant believe I am going to be 26. I most definetly feel older at times and young at others. I am going back to school this semester and am excited to take some of the classes. The music class most definetly but yuck english and history ... I was shocked though on how financial aid gave me very little assistance, but thats okay ((I guess)).The kids are both also going to be going to school. We are all excited but at the same time I am a little scared. I have all there stuff ready and got them all excited by letting them pick out there own lunch boxes and backpack. I think that I will cry more then them..LOL.....But I am going to go to the gym and do school work while they are there to make time pass by... I am loving living in victoria and am now a landlord. I rented out my place to this older gentleman and his sister. They are really nice but I was sad at the same time. It was the first home me and Steve had together so sometimes its hard to see someone else living there. And I was sad to see my playroom go but I cant expect a grown-up to have that for a room (( At least that is what I keep telling myself :)))...Anywayz nothing much else is up so I'm out .......

SCHOOL & MOVING

YAY...School is over with this semester. I didn't do to bad I made a A & B in my classes. I was so worried that I wasn't going to do good. I am excited now though because they approved me for assistance so it looks like I am going to go back to school full time after this summer. The reason being is because I am moving this summer. I am really excited and cant wait. I close on the house at the end of this month. The house is in Bridle Ridge and its got a nice little patio and back yard. I still don't have anyone interested in the trailer but I figure after I move and get settled I can look for a renter. I am glad I am moving back to town for several reasons Humm let me see were do I start:

• I wake up in the morning and see a cemetery out my kitchen window
• I enrolled the kids in private school in Northside Baptist
• I hate hearing the sounds of 18 wheelers down my road it make me think it is Steve coming home
• The drive sucks I have nodded off several times
• There is no trash man I have to burn it and there is no yard man. Almost an acre is a lot to cut.

Sorry I just feel like some people are not understanding why I want to move. They act like I am moving so far away and its just down the road. Anywayz it makes me want to move further sometimes but I know they love me and care.

VACATION & RESPECTING

I t was so awesome going with Amanda. I was carefree me again for a bit. It was just her, me and the kids. The kids loved it and got to see all the sites. SeaWorld was awesome of course and so was Concan. It was awesome to meet new people that knew nothing about us. Amanda was so awesome and helpful and the trip wouldn't of happened without her ...So THANK YOU Amanda for being a true friend. I was so relaxed and just enjoyed everything.No reminders that the most important thing in my life is gone. No one constantly asking me if I was okay and how was I doing. How do they think ? I don't even want to be here. I want to be so selfish and join my husband but I cant because of my kids. I once told someone I wish I took the easy way out of life or was one to give up way to easy but **sign ** I hate to say I am not. I will continue on with this life for my children's sake. I am determined to respect Steve's wishes to the very end. From the silly requests he had to not cutting her hair and piercing her ears until she is older to the important ones. I will make him proud that I was his wife and cherish just having the time I did have with him. Ahhhh the memorys he gave and continues to do so through our children.... I am forever grateful that I knew him...Ughhhh well time to finish my college work ...:( Plus I have to get ready for Amys birthday Thursday. I cant be leave my little girl is ready for Pre-K next year. The idea of leaving her with strangers freaks me out more then her. I am nervous and she is excited and telling everyone she is a big girl ready for school next year .... **tear*** They grow up so fast...Well look at the time ...bed time the kids will get up wanting breakfast .....