My Husband
My HusbandToday I sit here as a widow at 25. My husband James Stephen Davis has passed away November 8. He was a truck driver for Schneider National and was in Indiana. There was 3 sharp turns and Steve had just come off his 10 hour break. He took the first curb fine but then his load (of paper) shifted so he wasn't able to make the second turn. They said there were skid marks which indicated he tried to stop but it was to late. They said he was dead on arrival and never suffered. I guess the reason I am writing this is because I felt like people thought it might of been his fault but it wasn't. He was always an excellent driver and very cautious, this wreck has the first one that he has ever been in with him being the driver. He was always good at what he done and also knew it well.
I have so many emotions going through me that I don't know even how to start:
-The first thing I felt when I saw the sheriff was why is this man waking me up at 500 on the morning. It never dawned on me that anything was wrong.
- The second was pure disbelief and denial. I thought they had most defiantly got the wrong person
But then I saw him and it was true. It is like I am in this nightmare and things don't seem real and like my whole future is completely lost. I have honestly never felt so lost in all my life. Right now I am at the angry stage. I don't think it is fair that there are people on this earth that wouldn't amount to a pile of crap and they are still here walking amongst us. They will never amount as much as Steve and I feel my heart harden. I watched someone a few days crying at some problem they were going through and all I could think was SHUT UP you don't know what real pain is. I am so tired of people crying and telling me how much they miss him. How do they think I feel I am totally lost without him. HE was my husband, lover, soul mate and best friend. Yesterday it felt so good, I got an axe and cut some trees down. It felt good just to hit something. I am working on my anger issue but I think it is going to take along while. Anywaz that's all for now. It really hurts to talk about it so.......
P.s. Thank you to all my friends for going to the funeral and being there to support me. I know a few of my friends were not geoghraphically or medically able to show but I also appreciated there support and kind words . It is times like these that you find out who you true friends are
posted by Charlene @ 8:18 AM
4 Comments:
As much as I hated seeing you so torn up, I'm glad I could make it down for you and be there what I could...Make sure you call mom, she'll definitely want to know how you're doing and make sure your still got that great laugh and that we both know and love so much....Some time after Thanksgiving Darbi and I plan on tripping down there to see you, mom , and everyone else.
Until then you take care of yourself and your little ones. We all love you and hope to see you soon.
Hugs, and kisses
Chris
Ah I found you at last. Glad to see you feeling something. Anger is good and normal, but don't let it take control. There are 7 or 8 steps to grieving. I missed them and just went from pain to emotional numbness. So I envy your anger. Perhaps you'll heal faster than I did (am). Love you girl. Give me a call and I promise I still won't say those dumb things people say.
Mom
Charlene, I deeply regret not being there for the funeral. I wanted so much to be there to hold your hand and let you know I was there to lean on. The Doc has had me on bed rest for weeks since. I've wanted to call but I also know how important it is for you to have space to grieve. I won't pretend I know anything about your pain just that you must feel worlds of hurt. Know that we love you dearly and that you are in mine and mom's prayers.
I saw this yesterday after I did some other stuff. I'm glad 'cause I started crying and rushed out of the library. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful person. Though I wish you hadn't needed to go through everything that comes with losing a husband, and that I could have come home. I hope that I write your mom-in-laws' number down right this time so I can get hold of you more often than just your Cell Phone. Besides, I need your address. You see, I have some stupid gift that seems so little now, but I still want to send it to you.
Love to you and the kids,
Amanda
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